Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?

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(847): View more from Illinois

So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.

(541): View more from Oregon

Together?

(847): View more from Illinois

Preferably.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

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(970): View more from Colorado

Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.

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(347): View more from New York

Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....

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(+43): View more from

After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Now he's lighting his socks on fire

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(612): View more from Minnesota

So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD

(732): View more from New Jersey

okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...

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