i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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