you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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