Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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