he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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