There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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