i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
