It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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