he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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