So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
