You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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