I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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