I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
