take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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