Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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