I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
