I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
