Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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