It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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