In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
