At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
