When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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