Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
