she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
