Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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