haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
