Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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