That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Can I color on your dick again?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
