FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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