he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
