there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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