she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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