C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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