i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
