apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
