If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
