Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
