Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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