Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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