We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
