so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
