Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
