She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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