I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
