so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
