I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
