bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
