I puked a lego.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
