oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
