the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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