Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
