Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
