hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
