sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
