We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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