Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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