So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
